The inevitable feeling..

Today was a sad day…

Where do I begin? Let me start with my career life.

I graduated from Monash University Malaysia in June 2006 and was offered a job in Farooq Consultants as a Total Interactive Training Specialist (T.I.T.S – thanks to my boss for coming with the name!) and my main job functions were to improve on current training modules, deliver training modules, and find ways and means to make it more exciting! Did that job for ONE year until I was given the GOLDEN opportunity to start my own wellness retreat center with my COUSIN! *Wow!*

The job was based in Skudai and I was offered the position of Chief Operating Officer with a pay of about RM5k! *bloody good!* It was basically just 3 of us in this project to kick start a 13 acre piece of land into a GRAND wellness retreat center! Wow~ great times there!

Unfortunately, I coasted in that job without really applying myself as the job required me to be EXTREMELY good at taking initiatives and being PROACTIVE! =D So I left the company in 6 months as we couldn’t foresee the company coming to pass…*the whole project cost RM100 million and we couldn’t see any breakeven even after 5 years operations*

The good thing I learnt from that job was:

1) Being responsible and taking ownership of my job function (which I didn’t..)

2) Developing Great Network! (MY cousin was so well connected that he could just make a couple of calls to get the things he needed..very sharp and smart entrepeneur)

3) Believing that BIG dreams are possible to achieve! *I always wanted to develop my career in the Fitness industry and had the chance to do so*

Anyways, March 2008 came and we had to close down the company..I came back to KL jobless and disheartened..I had abandoned hopes of working in KL cause I gave my all to make my job in Johor a success but I couldn’t. So that week was very taxing on me emotionally.. =(

My other partner over there was still stayed backto work for my cousin and the latest plan I heard from him was that he was going to develop a BUDGET HOTEL. WTF?!! From wellness center to budget hotel?!! Damn..I’m so glad that I left the company as I REALLY can’t see myself doing that lah!

I came back to KL with big credit card debts and needed to find a job quickly to help me settle it fast! I went crawling back to Farooq Consultants looking for a high paying job and the only job he could offer me was in Sales. I decided to give it a try as I needed to improve on my selling skills. So the incentives was good and I felt God has given me a second chance at a comeback..

Boy…Reality hits you hard! I felt like a high flyer in Johor feeling I could conquer all but being in this company made me realise I have not been applying myself!

Bad work habits that I have developed all these while:

1) Slacking at work doing non-productive activities e.g. Facebooking, chatting, etc..

2) Not taking job responsibility nor ownership of what I was doing e.g. Not being proactive but more of taking orders of what to do next..

3) Bad discipline of time e.g. Time urgentness was not a huge factor for me and I could be happy with myself doing the minimal..

Now I’m in a dilemma..

I have developed some really bad work habits which I must change immediately!

I remember Anthony Robbins once said that the reason why people don’t change is because they feel that the change is a ‘SHOULD’ and not a ‘MUST’.

e.g. I should go on a diet, I should lose weight, I should be more punctual, etc…

BUT THEY DON’T CHANGE! Why? because they don’t see a sense to do so…

First Anthony’s principle: People will only change when they see it as a MUST to change, not a SHOULD..

e.g. I must be more loving, I must apply myself, etc.

When people apply themselves, you’ll notice that it’s always a must for them and not a should!

Another principle from Anthony: People will change when they associate the change to either EXTREME PLEASURE or EXTREME PAIN!

This is not an S&M topic yeah! *don’t get naughty thoughts into your head*

What he basically said is that people will change when they ASSOCIATE great rewards e.g. if I start exercising, I’ll look better/healthier.. or GREAT pain e.g. If I don’t apply myself at work, I’ll get sacked!

And the thing about PAIN/PLEASURE principle is that it must be IMMEDIATE!

For example,

I must IMMEDIATELY reward myself for exercising today e.g. Eat ice cream as a form of reward so that I associate working out to ICE CREAM!

Or

I must feel IMMEDIATE pain when I’m smoking now *and not think about cancer only affecting me later*

Smart guy this Anthony Robbins. Really wish to learn alot from him! =D

Anyways, how does that apply to me? In order to change my work habits in work, I must associate IMMEDIATE PAIN or IMMEDIATE PLEASURE to me applying the change. However, this is where I get stuck.

I do not reward myself for achieving my goals e.g. Getting meetings, Calling up clients, etc. as I feel those tasks are too miniscule to reward myself

And i don’t push myself if I feel pain. I just go into self depression and self pity mode and I can linger there for awhile before I perk myself back up at the GYM. I just don’t see myself applying myself during depressions.

However, I have pushed myself when people around tell me I can do it with constant encouragement! I find myself pushing myself beyond the limit when people do so..However, I can’t have a LIFETIME coach keep pushing me everytime I feel down. No one is able to do that..

So what can i do? Options are to apply myself at work OR to find something else to do.

I read somewhere where the author said do not waste your life working on your weaknesses BUT IMPROVE ON YOUR STRENGTHS! I find doing this job right now in SALES is to improve my weakness in sales as I was always afraid to do sales..

And nowadays I don’t look forward to going to job everyday as I get depressed in the mornings when I think of all the !@#!#!@ i have to do..with my job in Skudai I looked forward to going to work everyday.. =)

Now…what things do I look forward to doing?

1) Going to gym. *I’m one of the rare few people who actually ENJOY the PAIN of working out as I feel the RESULTS of my hardwork* If I can go gym everyday I would! =D

2) Going to RESTAURANT. *hahaha! I like to eat lah!*

3) Going to the acting studio / tv hosting / entertainment line. *I believe I can be an actor and constantly go there to work as I find that very enjoyable. I just feel Malaysia has not much to offer in the PERFORMING ARTS as it does not really pay the bills so I have to do this part time..*

4) Training.. physical training that is. I enjoy working out with people and see their lifes improve before my eyes. I associate leading a healthy lifestyle to the way you lead your life. Being discipline in this area would make you discipline in your social life/work life/sex life/ etc.. I look forward to the day when one of the people I’ve trained will look back and say “you know what? I became like this because of you!” I’ll feel so proud then! I actually have a test subject already in progress but she hasn’t really thanked me for the work I’ve done for her! ha ha!

There..a but long winded today but i just feel like pouring out my heart about my work..Now, I’m scared to look for a new job as I DO NOT WANT TO BRING my BAD WORK HABITS together with me. I want to improve on that and then only apply for a job…but how long will that take? Hmmmm…

Gold Chan

p/s – This inevitable feeling of mine has screwed up my love life.. Feel like I can’t buy anything, can’t provide, not being responsible..sigh…=( Don’t think I deserve to be in a relationship at all…

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Published in: on August 26, 2008 at 11:05 pm  Leave a Comment  

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